Male Vs Female: An Honest Review of MAFS 2019

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, chances are you’ve heard about the latest season of Channel 9’s Married at First Sight. The 2019 season promises to be the most drama-filled to date, with more arguments and tension than ever before. With the reveal of all 10 couples and the first commitment ceremony having aired, there has been major controversy behind the choice of coupling – so, we thought we’d put it to the people (two huge MAFS fans, Elly and Laurie) and get a male and female opinion on all the drama…

JULES AND CAM

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly:  Yes, they totally did. I know this because they are boring and have had barely any air time… come on Jules, we need some more drama! I have a feeling something might come up with the ex that was ‘the love of his life’ and the experts will surely try and break their little love bubble. They are super cute together though, she is so lovely and to be honest I would date him. She is also giving me red hair FOMO.

Laurie: Yes, I think the experts got this right. They both seem like very genuine people.

 Will the couple last?

Elly: At this stage yes, but check back with me in two week’s time.

Laurie: Yes.

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CYRELL AND NIC

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly:  I don’t think so. He is lovely and possibly way too nice for her. He reminds me of a broken little puppy that needs some love and I am not sure if Cyrell can give him enough attention – plus, her brother was crazy. The poor bloke is just trying to find love, throw him a bone! I think Cyrell is looking for Insta-fame and you know what? She will probably get it. Girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Laurie: Jury is out on this one. They seem a bit miss-matched to me. I think Cyrell’s family will be a spanner in the works.

 Will the couple last?

Elly: Nope.

Laurie: Nope.

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HEIDI AND MIKE

Did the relationship experts get it right?

Elly: I don’t even know where to start. Mike, Mike, Mike… you are the reason single gals like me give out fake numbers to guys. When he told her that he wasn’t her therapist, I nearly choked. Mate, if you weren’t such a downer, you probably wouldn’t still be single. Heidi – all I can say doll is run! Run as fast as you can and never ever look back! This is probably one of the worst pairs. Experts, why would you pair the beautiful mermaid and the awful bald man?

 Laurie: Yes, I think they got it right as they both seem to have similar personalities.

Will the couple last?

Elly: Hell no!

Laurie: No, as he is showing himself to be fairly selfish.

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LAUREN AND MATTHEW 

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: Oh my God. I don’t know where to start. I want to pen an open letter to Matthew about how I am so happy that he was finally deflowered and that we, as a nation, are proud of him maturing into a man. Lauren is a bloody good woman, I don’t think I would have been that kind and understanding. At first I thought he was weird and felt sorry for the experts pairing them, but now I think they are sweet and I hope they do last.

Laurie: On face value them seem to have got this right as they both seem very stable/quiet, however Matthew’s insecurities will derail these two.

Will the couple last?

Elly: I hope so but let’s be honest, he will probably want to go and plant his seed elsewhere.

Laurie: No.

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JESSIKA AND MICK 

Did the relationship experts get it right?

Elly: No, but maybe there could be a spin off called the bogan and the “model” and they have cute little bogan babies that are born with mullets.

Laurie: No, not at all they seem very different. She is a city girl and he is a bogan farmer. Could not even wear nice clothes to their first dinner on their honeymoon.

Will the couple last?

Elly: No way Jose.

Laurie: No.

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NING AND MARK 

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: Ning is so mean she actually scares me. She was so nasty to poor Mark, I am surprised he didn’t tell her where to go. She reminds me of the story of the female praying mantis eating her partner’s head off after sex.

Laurie: No, she is a dragon and he is way too nice for her.

Will the couple last?

Elly: Definitely not. He is way too nice for her.

Laurie: No.

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MARTHA AND MICHAEL

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: They totally did, she is hot and ethnic, he is hot and ethnic – it’s a match made in heaven. I have a sneaking suspicion she is also after Insta-fame, she will totally be sprucing teeth whitener in a month’s time. Watch this space.

Laurie: Yes, they seem very compatible, both very family orientated. She has a bit of a wild past I hear so may be an issue going forward.

Will the couple last?

Elly: Maybe, maybe not.

Laurie: Maybe!

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MEL AND DINO

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: Mel is cray-cray to the extreme – have guys dated her in the past and just been like, holy hell, what is going on? I did like her wedding dress though. I think the poor love just needs to lay off the coffee, have a few camomile teas and settle down. Dino on the other hand, enough with the meditation, we get it, you like yoga, no one cares.

Laurie: No, these two could not be more different. I think she will tire of all his meditation carry on and give him the flick.

Will the couple last?

Elly: Never, ever in a million years would this couple last.

Laurie: No.

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ELIZABETH AND SAM

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: Poor Lizzy, she was just looking for her hot hubby to whisk her away to the local shopping centre to get her nails done. As for Sam, in his words he was, ‘looking for someone a little smaller’. Well Sam, Lizzy is definitely not a big girl and I feel like you would probably be regretting those weight comments right about now. Sam wants a modelling career not a wife. Sam, do us all a favour and go hang out down in Bondi shirtless with all the other model wannabes.

Laurie: On face value yes, but I think she is too weird for him. I think she only sees the physical side and he is more into connecting on an emotional level. I also think physically she is not his type.

Will the couple last?

Elly: I think it was a sign when he jetted off to NZ for his ex’s mum’s funeral…

Laurie: No.

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INES AND BRONSON 

Did the relationship experts get it right? 

Elly: Ines is like an angry little chihuahua that tries to bite your hand off when you go in for a little pat on the head and poor Bronson kind of reminds me of Humphrey B Bear but with pants on. They definitely did not get it right. Do poor Bronson a favour Ines and get a fake divorce.

Laurie: No, I think they are both way too vain for each other. She is also bats**t crazy.

Will the couple last?

Elly: No.

Laurie: No.

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